Writing an Icon for the First Time: The Mother of God of Compassion

I was going to interperse photos with this, but I can't for the life of me figure out how to do it. I have uploaded all the icons to Flckr as a set called "Writing an Icon for the First Time"

http://www.flickr.com/photos/29907608@N04/sets/72157621905839580/

June 28, 2009

Writing an Icon for the First Time: The Mother of God of Compassion

During the week June 22-26, 2009, Teresa Harrison (http://www.teresaharrison.com/) offered the privilege of learning to write an icon under her tutelage at Christ Episcopal Church, Coronado, CA (www.christchurchcoronado.org) . Having been praying for years for God to make such a class possible, you can imagine with what joy I received the news. This class has been simultaneously one of the most exhausting and most blessed experiences of my life. I loved it so much that I cannot wait to take another class, even as I struggle to recover.

Writing an icon is not about the paint or the artist, except as God uses both to bring the icon into being. The iconographer is merely a vehicle for God’s grace. God became incarnate and provided us with a living image of Himself, an image humans could see, touch, smell, hear and speak to. Is it possible to be any closer to God than we are when allowing Him to flow through us to bring His Holy Word into being? Perhaps it is a little bit like being a God-bearer one’s self, making Him known to the world.

We call the process “writing” and not painting because an icon is the written Word of God. The brushed is used as it is in calligraphy and not as in painting. We use the brush as a pen to write.

Teresa presented the class as five day silent retreat, beginning with Eucharist at 8:30 AM, offered with us by her husband and rector of Christ Episcopal Church, Father Edward Harrison. Writing an icon requires silence as we pray to God for guidance, honoring the original intention of the original icon. It is part of icon lore that the first iconographer was St. Luke, author of the eponymous named Gospel and Acts. This is why St. Luke is often pictured with a paint brush. It is said that the very first icon, Mary and Holy Child, ever written was by Luke. It may even be that the icon we worked on, Mother of God of Tenderness, is a copy of that very first icon.

Every icon is a copy. The writer does no individual work but sees herself as an instrument in the service of a long tradition. The act of writing an icon is meditation/prayer. The copy corresponds in full to the original and is not less "worthy". It represents the presence of the depicted person(s). So an icon of Christ makes Christ present in the room where the icon is, not only in remembrance, but in actuality.

Each day we spent some time checking in with each other preceded a beautiful opening prayer offered by one of the attendees. For the most part we worked in silence, usually with Gregorian chant or contemplative music in the background to keep us grounded in silence. Occasionally we would get up to whisper a question to Teresa and receive her whispered response. We started our work with the Sign of the Cross and the Prayer Before Working on an Icon:

“O divine Lord of all that exists, Thou hast illumined the Apostle and Evangelist Luke with Thy Holy Spirit, thereby enabling him to present thy most Holy Mother, the One who held Thee in her arms and said: “The Grace of Him Who has been born of me is spread throughout the world.” Enlighten and direct my soul, my heart and spirit. Guide the hands of thine unworthy servant so that I may worthily and perfectly portray Thine ikon, that of thy Mother, and all the Saints, for the glory, joy and adornment of Thy Holy Church. Forgive my sins and the sins of those who will venerate these ikons and who kneeling devoutly before them, give homage to those they represent. Protect them from all evil and instruct them with good counsel. This I ask through the intercession of thy most Holy Mother, the Apostle Luke, and all the Saints. Amen”

It is humbling to stop and remember that, just as in the hymn “For All the Saints”, the members of the class were not only asking for the intercessions of those who have been canonized but also by all who are part of the Body of Christ, living or in Heaven. This means that we also prayed for each other through this prayer.

It had been my intention to make a photographic record of the process of my icon. On the very first day though, I was so glad finally to be at an icon workshop, I forgot to photograph the blank board covered in gesso, (quite a process in and of itself, http://www.teresaharrison.com/IconBoards.pdf), the black and white outline on my board or the end of the first day’s work when most of the outline had been colored in. The first day could be compared to coloring in a coloring book as it was important to stay within the lines, building layers of paint gradually to build up an opaque base upon which to write the details that make the icon come alive.
This first layer is intentionally flat, preferably with no visible individual brush strokes. Such flatness is intentional and desirable. Teresa told us that the subject of the icon is not an endpoint, but a window opening the way to become closer to the subject of the icon and ultimately to God.

When I studied painting in college, we were taught to be painterly, to leave something of ourselves in the brushstrokes. It is just the opposite in writing an icon. There should be nothing of the hand that wrote it in the finished piece. I had to fight against what I thought I knew about painting and what I might wish to communicate about myself and be subject to God in the work.

Perhaps it is best to say now rather than later that the image being written is not itself the object of worship. It serves as a vehicle to transport to God the awareness of the one using the icon. The subject draws the worshiper into the spiritual reality which the image merely represents. Teresa called icons “visual incense.”

Gradually that first day, I sank into the work, unaware of time or those around me except when I had to find a tube of paint, clean my palette and wash my brushes. This was not very often since I could not bear to leave my work. Teresa told us that iconographers have always painted the dark parts first, adding the lighter shades. “The light pierces the darkness,” it says in John’s Gospel. Most of the time, I prayed the Jesus Prayer and I found the rhythm of breathing conducive to the work. It also helped to block out sounds.

At the end of the first day, I gazed at my wood covered with large areas of solid color. We had painted all the skin with “sankir”, the initial underpaint tone, which cover the faces and other parts of the body; leaving the sankir exposed to create the shadow areas. Gotta tell you my first reaction to sankir was to paraphrase Pogo, “This looks like spuk.” The closest description I can some to sankir is a very dark olive green, one of my least favorite colors and here I was swiping it all over the faces of Our Lady and Jesus. I really felt they deserved better. Teresa’s response to my doubts? “Have faith,” she reassured me. “Just have faith.”

As I gazed at my blobs of color, I doubted the optimism, “Of course, I can do this,” with which I started the class. How could I take these colors, most of which I did not like because they are the warm earth tones and I really really really like the cool, jewel tones. But the warm earth tones are the traditional colors used and no wonder as the original pigment was rock ground up into egg yolk. As I experienced my doubts I also remembered something Teresa stressed: it is not I who wields the brush but God. I was as much a tool as were the paints, brushes, surface and palette before me.

Once I had my first look at what had happened so far, I felt Mary and Her Son with me. How does one describe this? They were there, as simple as that. No, I couldn’t see them, but some part of me apprehended their presence in that place within which is too deep for words but is just pulsatingly aware.

The second day we worked on the robes and Mary’s veil. Having started with the dark colors, we gradually used lighter and lighter shades to add dimension to the clothing, to paint the draping folds, to make it look like actual garments. The light pierced the dark and behold we had stuff that was recognizable as clothing.

The third day was the day to do the faces and hands. That’s intimidating: to turn blobs of spuk into recognizably human faces. Teresa demonstrated how a very few strokes of paint turned blobs of hideous color into beautiful faces. We had started with the dark olive nastiness and the light really did pierce that darkness to become something lovely. I can’t claim to have done the face myself. I did the best I could and one by one all of us turned to Teresa to fix the faces on the boards.
As I worked on Mary’s face, I thought of something I often think about: that she was the one woman in all the world, in all of history to say “yes” to God, to take the risk. I have often wondered to how many other virgins God had offered to be the earthly mother of the Incarnate Lord and why it is that Mary, of all of them, was the one to offer herself back.

Something disturbed me about the smallness of their lips but then I realized they were compressed into a pucker. The image catches them just before they exchange sweet kisses. I felt like an intruder.

The fourth day was gold leaf. Oh my. Gold leaf. Prized by Christian artists for millennia to convey holiness, other worldliness, sacredness and I was going to get to mess around with it. This is exactly what I did. I had always imagined that applying gold leaf was easy. Prepare the surface, lay the sheet of gold over it, lift the sheet and behold the gold only where it was wanted. No such thing. The whole sheet would come off and I would have to take the brush reserved solely for the use of gold, give it some static electricity by rubbing it in my hair and sweep it over the surface to retrieve all of the extra gold so that it could be placed in the wood box where all the gold scraps are reserved so that they can be used in other places, such as Jesus’ clothes. Gold leaf is too expensive to waste a smidge.

The last day was for finishing up the background, the details around the halos. Because I had not wanted to get stuck in rush hour traffic and be late, I was usually thirty minutes early. As a result, my work was finished first and I could sit with the icon and pray with it. Exhausted yet exhilarated, I allowed the icon to seep within me until it seemed for an all too brief moment that Jesus and Our Lady were actually present in the room with me.

Teresa plans to offer other workshops and I cannot wait.

Further Reading:
http://www.nazarethstudio.com/NazarethStudio/index.php?studio/s_intro
http://www.squidoo.com/how-to-paint-an-icon
http://www.orthodox.net/links/express.html
http://www.standreirublevicons.com/gallery.php?action=viewGallery&id=15

Saying of the Desert Christians: God is for all 3

from:http://www.thenazareneway.com/paradise_of_the_desert_fathers.htm

There was an old man living in the desert who served God for so many years and he said, "Lord, let me know if I have pleased you." He saw an angel who said to him, "You have not yet become like the gardener in such and such place." The old man marvelled and said, "I will go off to the city to see both him and what it is that he does that surpasses all my work and toil of all these years."

So he went to the city and asked the gardener about his way of life. When they were getting ready to eat in the evening, the old man heard people singing in the streets, for the cell of the gardener was in a public place. Therefore the old man said to him, "Brother, wanting as you do to live according to God, how do you remain in this place and not be troubled when you hear them singing these songs?"

The man said, "I tell you, Abba, I have never been troubled or scandalized." When he heard this the old man said, "What, then, do you think in your heart when you hear these things?" And he replied, "That they are all going into the Kingdom." When he heard this, the old man marvelled and said, "This is the practice which surpasses my labour of all these years."

Some thoughts:

This is Holy Hospitality at work. The gardener leaves up to God that which is God's and gets on with that which God has commanded of him: to judge not lest he himself be judged. Which is, of course, an extension of loving our neighbor with the love that God has first loved us.

Saying of the Desert Christians: God is for all 2

from:http://www.thenazareneway.com/paradise_of_the_desert_fathers.htm

Abba Pambo said, "If you have a heart, you can be saved."

Some thoughts:

Not much of a prerequesite is it? Sounds to me the same thing as saying "if one is human, one can be saved." Pretty straight forward, isn't it? Puts us all on the same track, the same tier, the same level. It's completely egalitarian.

It ought also to be the sentence that puts to an end all the disputes within the world-wide Anglican Communion and between denominations.

Let the ones with ears and hearts hear.

Saying of the Desert Christians: God is for all 1

from: http://www.thenazareneway.com/paradise_of_the_desert_fathers.htm

God is the life of all free beings. He is the salvation of all, of believers or unbelievers, of the just or the unjust, of the pious or the impious, of those freed from passions or those caught up in them, of monks or those living in the world, of the educated and the illiterate, of the healthy and the sick, of the young or the old. He is like the outpouring of light, the glimpse of the sun, or the changes of the weather which are the same for everyone without exception.

Some thoughts:

Would that we Christians remembered this. Would that we acted this way. Would that we all embraced this as the ultimate in Holy Hospitality.

We spend so much time looking for reasons to exclude each other. We invest so much energy denying to others what God has so freely bestowed on us ourselves. Sometimes I think that is the the true definition of apostasy, the actions of a real apostate.

Saying of the Desert Christians: Love 5

from: http://www.thenazareneway.com/paradise_of_the_desert_fathers.htm

A soldier asked abba Mios if God accepted repentance. After the old man had taught him many things, he said, "Tell me, my dear, if your cloak is torn, do you throw it away?" He replied, "No, I mend it and use it again." The old man said to him, "If you are so careful about your cloak, will not God be equally careful about His creature?"

some thoughts:

A lovely metaphor, is it not? Of course, in our day, I wonder how many of us mend anything? Seems to me mending takes much less tiome and effort than it does to get in the car, drive to the mall, find a parking place, explore the stores for the replacement (while purchasing lots of extra stuff we didn't plan on when we left home), get back to the car, drive home again.

In contrast, knowing that we might mend might cause us to take more care in the first place. But know that we can mend, that gives us hope to continue.

Saying of the Desert Christians: Love 4

from: http://www.thenazareneway.com/paradise_of_the_desert_fathers.htm

Abba Agathon said, "If I could meet a leper, give him my body and take his, I should be very happy." That is perfect charity. It was also said of him that when he came into the town one day to sell his goods, he met a sick traveller lying in the public place with no one to care for him. The old man rented a room and lived with him there, working with his hands to pay the rent and spending the rest on the sick man's needs. He stayed there four months until the sick man was well again. Then he went back to his cell in peace.

Some thoughts:

Don't have much to say about the 1st part of the Saying as I am sure we all know how lepers were ostracized and feared. Can't add anything new to that.

I am taken though with the latter portion. Talk about living out the example of the Good Samaritan. Would you do this for a stranger? Would you give up 4 months of your life to do something unexpected by way of service? I don't know that I would. We are not such risk takers, what with fear of being sued, conned, taken advantage of.

Abba Agathon had no such worries. He saw a need and he supplied it. He offered himself as the solution. He didn't say to other people on the street that someone had to do something about the man in the gutter. He didn't walk around the body and keep on going. He didn't form a committee to the study the situation. He did not write a letter to the Mayor or his Congressperson. He did not expect anyone else to do it. He did it himself. He became involved.

Fear of the Lord

In an idle moment, I have often wondered about the "fear of the Lord", as in Prov 1: 7 and 9:10.. If "fear of the Lord" is the beginning of wisdom, then it sounds desirable. OTOH, "if perfect love casts out all fear"as in I jon 4:18, what's going on? I have long suspected that it is the English is at fault and not the Hebrew or the Greek.

So I took advantage of my discovery of http://www.blueletterbible.org/index.cfm to do a bit of quick word study.

The Hebrew word for "fear" as used in Pro 1: 7 and 9:10 is yir'ah. A feminine noun.

Strong's Outline of Biblical Usage says:

1) fear, terror, fearing

a) fear, terror

b) awesome or terrifying thing (object causing fear)

c) fear (of God), respect, reverence, piety

d) revered



The website will not allow me to copy the entry but if you go to:

http://www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?Strongs=H3374&t=KJV#

you can see all the other places in the Hebrew Scriptures where "fear of the Lord" is used in sense c above and not as sense a.

When you click on this link, please be sure to add the "#" which in my screen did not highlight as part of the ink.

I already knew from what Greek I've retained from seminary and college, that in 1 John 4:18, where perfect love casts out all fear, that the word used is phobos, from which we get phobia. It's a masculine noun of the 1st declension, btw.

The Blue Letter Bible link is:

http://www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?Strongs=G5401&t=KJV

which shows all the ways in which phobos has been used in Greek. Many of the references cited are pre-Christian.

Which says phobos can be translated as:

1) fear, dread, terror

a) that which strikes terror

2) reverence for one's husband



There must be something strange in the mind of such early Greeks that 1and 1 a are equated with 2. However, I trust that since perfect love casts out all fear that meaning 2 no longer has any influence for us Christians.



The thing is, I have established for myself via Dr Strong's extraordinary scholarship, that our English "fear" fails to do justice and may even mislead modern readers of Scripture. I have certainly read a lot of nonsense that says that the phobos of God is the beginning of wisdom and it just ain't true.

Saying of the Desert Christians: Love 2

from: http://www.thenazareneway.com/paradise_of_the_desert_fathers.htm

One of the beloved of Christ who had the gift of mercy used to say, "The one who is filled with mercy ought to offer it in the same manner in which he has received it, for such is the mercy of God."

Some thoughts

This Saying always moves me to tears. You may be asking why. The reason is that every single day, I see the opposite. I see those who have been blessed withhold that same blessing from others.

Every single one of us is created in the image and likeness of God. God sees none of us as better or more worthy than another. God gives His unconditional love to all in equal measure. If we say we are Christians, if we say we are loved by God then how can we do other than embrace every other human being, every other aspect of creation with the same compassion, love and mercy which God first gave to us?

FWIW, this is what this Saying says to me.

Saying of the Desert Christians: Love 3

from: http://www.thenazareneway.com/paradise_of_the_desert_fathers.htm

Abba Antony said, "I no longer fear God, I love him; for love casts out fear."

Some thoughts

In Proverbs 1:7,it is written that "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." Which I have always understood to be a deep deep respect or veneration and not fear as in "I'm afraid of spiders." I have often wished I knew Hebrew because I am confident that if I did I would see for myself that the "fear of God" is a word very different from the Greek phobos, from which we get phobia, for instance.

Something I have seen in the Sayings is a fear that monks might lose their salvation if they sinned even a tiny bit. In fact there is a very famous icon of the Ladder of St John Climacus which has monks reaching the highest rung on the ladder only to be snared by demons and plunged into hell. http://orthodoxwiki.org/The_Ladder_of_Divine_Ascent is a place where you can see the icon if you happen to be unfamiliar with it.

I wonder myself if this is what Anthony means. That he and God are so in love with each other that Anthony no longer fears that anything could part him from God. Sure he might have disasters and if any have read the Life of Anthony by Athanasius then we already know that Anthony had his own demons to battle. But at his deepest core, he rests in the knowledge that because of the love he and God share, that no matter he might go through, nothing can separate him from God.

That's what I take from this. I look forward to your thoughts.

Rule of St Benedict Reading for July 26, 2009

March 26, July 26, November 25

Chapter 46: On Those Who Fail in Any Other Matters

When anyone is engaged in any sort of work,
whether in the kitchen, in the cellar, in a shop,
in the bakery, in the garden, while working at some craft,
or in any other place,
and she commits some fault,
or breaks something, or loses something,
or transgresses in any other way whatsoever,
if she does not come immediately
before the Abbess and the community
of her own accord
to make satisfaction and confess her fault,
then when it becomes known through another,
let her be subjected to a more severe correction.

But if the sin-sickness of the soul is a hidden one,
let her reveal it only to the Abbess or to a spiritual mother,
who knows how to cure her own and others' wounds
without exposing them and making them public.

Some thoughts:

Let the light pierce the darkness. Open our hearts and voices and speak alound that which festers within. The truth really adn truly does set us free.

Saying of the Desert Christians: Love 1

from: http://www.thenazareneway.com/paradise_of_the_desert_fathers.htm

One of the beloved of Christ who had the gift of mercy used to say, "The one who is filled with mercy ought to offer it in the same manner in which he has received it, for such is the mercy of God."

Some thoughts

This Saying always moves me to tears. You may be asking why. The reason is that every single day, I see the opposite. I see those who have been blessed withhold that same blessing from others.

Every single one of us is created in the image and likeness of God. God sees none of us as better or more worthy than another. God gives His unconditional love to all in equal measure. If we say we are Christians, if we say we are loved by God then how can we do other than embrace every other human being, every other aspect of creation with the same compassion, love and mercy which God first gave to us?

FWIW, this is what this Saying says to me.

Reading from the Rule of St Benedict, July 25, 2009

March 25, July 25, November 24

Chapter 45: On Those Who Make Mistakes in the Oratory

When anyone has made a mistake
while reciting a Psalm, a responsory,
an antiphon or a lesson,
if he does not humble himself there before all
by making a satisfaction,
let him undergo a greater punishment
because he would not correct by humility
what he did wrong through carelessness.

But boys for such faults shall be whipped.


Some thoughts

I've read enough accounts of life in the oratory to know that the number 1 annoyance is mistakes in the Daily Office. I get the sense that they lose themselves in the rhythm of the prayer and get all jolted gollywag when someone goofs. Kardong also says that such mistakes were considered human error due to inattention. I can see how paying attention to one's prayers while participating ina corporate worship is desirable. Can't you?

This business of children being beaten. Well, that's nasty and I don't care to see it, no matter how much I remind myself that our modern notions of child abuse are quite anachronistic and historically inapplicable. Kardong point out that much is lost in translation as Latin has 3 different words translated as "fault": fallor, delinquo and culpa. Culpa refers to those who will not take responsibility for their faults and refuse to do penance. Culpa is the word used in reference to the boys who are whipped.

This passage makes me think about how much attention I pay to my own devotions and challenges me to question if I do them by rote. Of course, there is benefit to do doing by rote, just might take me longer to be blessed.

Sayings of the Desert Christians: Love 1

from:http://www.cin.org/dsrtft13.html

Abba Poemen said, "There is no greater love than that a man lays down his life for revenge; then you are laying down your life for your neighbour."

Some thoughts

Help me out, please. This Saying continually mystifies me. Was there some sort of paradigm shift in world view about the role of revenge that makes it impossible for me to understand what is going on here?

What does revenge have to do with love? Did Jesus die as an act of revenge? Doesn't God say that vengeance is His?

Thanks for any light you can shed.

Sayings of the Desert Christians: Joy 3

from: http://www.cin.org/dsrtft12.html

When abba Apollo heard the sound of singing from the monks who welcomed us, he greeted us according to the custom which all monks follow... He first lay prostrate on the ground, then got up and kissed us and having brought us in he prayed for us; then, after washing our feet with his own hands, he invited us to partake of some refreshment.

One could see his monks were filled with joy and a bodily contentment such as one cannot see on earth. For nobody among them was gloomy or downcast.
If anyone did appear a little downcast, abba Apollo at once asked him the reason and told each one what was the secret recesses of his heart. He used to say, "Those who are going to inherit the Kingdom of heaven must not be despondent about their salvation... we who have been considered worthy of so great a hope, how shall we not rejoice without ceasing, since the Apostle urges us always, "Pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks"?"



Some thoughts:

The 1st thing I notice about this Saying is that it was recorded by a visitor to the monks. I have no idea who the visitor was or where the visit took place. Don't know about you, but I would love to be greeted with singing. The monks prostrated themselves on the ground because they greeted their guests as if they were Christ. At that time, it was common to lie full length on the ground or floor during prayer and worship. I can't help but note there is no inquiry into whether or not the guests deserved to be greeted as such. No litmus tests of their orthodoxy or their degree of sinfulness. Holy Hospitality ruled over all and what joy it brought to the guests to be greeted as such. But what freedom and joy must the monks have known to welcome others so completely.

Note also that there is some hint in this Saying that Christians seemed to feel they had reason to doubt their salvation. They didn't take it for granted as we do today. They didn't shrug off their sins as many of us are prone to do today. What is Abba Apollo's response to the monks' worries: they are praying without ceasing, they are doing what the Holy Spirit compels them to do and so there is no greater reassurance of the hope of heaven than that. Which I think is a pretty good source of joy.

Saying of the Desert Christians: Joy 2

from: http://www.cin.org/dsrtft12.html

Abba Hyperichius said, "Praise God continually with spiritual hymns and always remain in meditation and in this way you will be able to bear the burden of the temptations that come upon you. A traveller who is carrying a heavy load pauses from time to time and draws in deep breaths; it makes the journey easier and the burden lighter."

Some thoughts:

Reminds me of St Paul and praying constantly. I always wondered how I was to pray constantly and, say, drive my car safely at the same time. I have some ideas about that but rather than shoot my mouth off all the time, I wonder what your thoughts would be.

Pausing from time to time and drawing breath is indeed a great deal of help when carrying a heavy burden. My mother is constantly ill these days with GERD, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Parkinson's Disease and now she has a lump in her right breast. My much beloved cat Jack is dying of Squamous Cell Carcinoma under his tongue and throughout his jaw. I am disabled for Major Depressive Disorder, so, yes, I think I can safely say I know about burdens.

There is something I've learned about good habits: they get us through the rough times. The habits of the Daily Office, Anglican Rosary, writing these bits about the Desert Christians, writing bits about the Rule of St Benedict on another list or putting together the Knitternun Meditation along with eating properly, taking care of my diabetes, taking all my medications... these are all the good habits that help me with my burdens.

Do they cease to be burdens? No, how could they? I don't think I would want to experience apatheia. But there is something else I've learned which is in the midst of the heaviest grief, even as the grief never ceases to be grief, it can be shot through with pure joy because God is with us ever second of every burden, helping us carry it.

That's what I've experienced. What has yours been like?

Rule of St Benedict Reading for July 17, 2009

March 17, July 17, November 16

Chapter 38: On the Weekly Reader

The meals of the sisters should not be without reading.
Nor should the reader be
anyone who happens to take up the book;
but there should be a reader for the whole week,
entering that office on Sunday.
Let this incoming reader,
after Mass and Communion,
ask all to pray for her
that God may keep her from the spirit of pride
And let her intone the following verse,
which shall be said three times by all in the oratory:
"O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth shall declare Your praise."
Then, having received a blessing,
let her enter on the reading.


And let absolute silence be kept at table,
so that no whispering may be heard
nor any voice except the reader's.
As to the things they need while they eat and drink,
let the sisters pass them to one another
so that no one need ask for anything.
If anything is needed, however,
let it be asked for by means of some audible sign
rather than by speech.
Nor shall anyone at table presume to ask questions
about the reading or anything else,
lest that give occasion for talking;
except that the Superior may perhaps wish
to say something briefly for the purpose of edification.


The sister who is reader for the week
shall take a little ablution before she begins to read,
on account of the Holy Communion
and lest perhaps the fast be hard for her to bear.
She shall take her meal afterwards
with the kitchen and table servers of the week.


The sisters are not to read or chant in order,
but only those who edify their hearers.


Some thoughts

Meals are a time to chat in most places. I admit, it is hard for me to comprehend the silence of the Benedictine monastery. They were not to talk at all. No friendly chit chat such as "Hey there, how's the wheat growing?" or "Were you able to accomplish as much in the Scriptorium this morning as you had hoped?" None of that.

I am told, however, that monks have worked out sign language to communicate necessary things. Br Benet Tvedten wrote The View From A Monastery: The Vowed Life and Its Cast of Many Characters. In it he described some elaborate conversations the monks would have with the sign language. At least, I think it was in that book that I read it.

So if there is to be silence and no friendly chit chat, how will the mind occupy itself? Here we have Benedict's solution: sacred reading. Gotta admit, that sure does beat eating a meal in front of the TV. I hasten to add that I myself eat my meals either in front of the computer or TV. Usually only dinner in front of the TV.

When I first visited my mother here in San Diego in 1981, some of her friends invited us to dinner. I was shocked to see the TV on while guests were in the home. It was not a practice back east.

Oh dear... I've lost my train of thought listening to KUSC play The Syncopated Clock which I have not heard for years.

Help me out, someone, please. Where was I going?

Saying of the Desert Christians: Joy 1

from:http://www.cin.org/dsrtft12.html

Amma Syncletica said, "In the beginning there are a great many battles and a good deal of suffering for those who are advancing towards God and, afterwards, ineffable joy. It is like those who wish to light a fire. At first they are choked with smoke and cry, until they obtain what they seek. As it is written, "Our God is a consuming fire" (Hebrews 12:24); so we also must kindle the divine fire in ourselves through tears and hard work."

Some thoughts:

One might wonder why this Saying falls into the category of joy as there is a lot of language which to me does not sound pleasant, let a lone joyous. Battles, suffering, choking on smoke, tears, hard work. Whazzup with that? Who wants to deal with that?

OTOH, I can speak from personal experience that this sort of stuff does indeed come before joy. I make no bones about the fact that I have mental illness, specifically Major Depressive Disorder. I am very transparent about it and my struggles because there is still a stigma against the mentally ill in my country, the USA. Less than there was, but still enough to hinder us as unrepentant homophobia still hinders our GLBTQ sisters and brothers and as the Glass Ceiling still hinders women in the USA.

Sometime in February, 1982, I took a class at my seminary called the Spiritual Experience of the Middle Ages. When the class was proposed there was a quite a controversy since many of both faculty and student body did not believe there was any such thing as a spiritual experience since the time of Augustine until the Reformation. It was an evangelical seminary, you see. I only chose that one because I was married at the time, my husband did not want to move and that school was less than 10 miles from where we lived.

The class was taught by my parish priest, a former Benedictine monk who eventually went on to be consecrated Bishop of Bethlehem, PA. It was the very first time anyone ever exposed me to contemplation or a life centered around the Daily Offices. I wanted that more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I wanted that incredibly intimacy and vulnerability to God. It was a ravaging hunger. It was as if I had all the most severe results of malnutrition. At the same time I felt my life had become some sort of cosmic joke because a life time of Major Depressive Disorder had robbed me, was robbing and would always rob me of that which I now knew was the real thing for which I had always searched. I was so deeply distressed.

It had been my practice to pray Morning Prayer and I added the other Daily Offices in the Book of Common Prayer. A few weeks later, still angry with God, I was sitting up in bed one Saturday morning, drinking tea, praying Morning Prayer and reading the day's lections. I remembered how many times when overcome by depression, I had begged God to hold my hand, to let me know in some tangible, sensory way that He was with me. My fury with God overwhelmed and I shrieked and screamed at him about how much I hurt because he had denied my prayer, created me in a such a way that I could never have the gift of contemplation and I wept. Oh did I ever weep.

After such intense agony, there comes a moment when one is simple too exhausted to weep any more. One lies collapsed, sniffling and maybe some gentle sighs of pain. I had such a moment. And in that exhaustion I literally heard God's voice asking me with a sort of loving laughter with a touch of frustration in His voice" Gloriamarie, how could I possibly hold your hand when I always have held you in mine?" Then I had a vision of God's hands cupped as if to receive the Eucharist and there I was, standing on those fleshy bits at the base of the fingers and peeking over the fingertips at the world in a "Kilroy was here" manner.

The joy cannot be described. Joy that even my worst struggles with depression, God's cupped hands held me, supported me and maybe even lifted up my struggles as if they were for the whole world. That God's cupped hands was the place where I lived, had always been my true home and would always be my true home. What I also discovered is that I was already a contemplative. Depression had turned me into one. That so many of the revelations I had come up with about living with depression were not the result of my intellect but were gifts from our Lord. So before I ever knew the word, God had already made me into what I most desired, He had placed the desire to be a contemplative in my heart and given me the gift long long long before I knew how to ask for it.

Now, please don't think my struggles with depression are over. They are not. Far from it. In fact, after that day I had even worse struggles so intense that eventually I had to seek disability status. Which has been another grace in my life, because freed from the worst of the stressors, I was able to hear again God's call into the vowed religious life, which I had known as a child but as adolescence, my parents' really bad marriage, my own bad marriage, so many things shouted down the voice of God. But eventually I heard.

Now, please don't think my struggles with depression are over. They are not. Far from it. I think that what Amma Syncletica writes above teaches us that these sorts of struggles and issues are never over and done with us. They are with us always and it is a cycle we repeat. But we can cooperate with the Holy Spirit. We can never obtain joy on our own. That is just gift. We can develop within our own lives the habits that make us receptive. We can learn that each and every one of us lives in God's cupped hands, our true home, and we stand their peeking over His fingertips.

Rule of St Benedict Reading for July 15, 2009

March 15, July 15, November 14

Chapter 36: On the Sick

Before all things and above all things,
care must be taken of the sick,
so that they will be served as if they were Christ in person;
for He Himself said, "I was sick, and you visited Me" (Matt 25:36),
and, "What you did for one of these least ones, you did for Me" (Matt.25:40).
But let the sick on their part consider
that they are being served for the honor of God,
and let them not annoy their sisters who are serving them
by their unnecessary demands.
Yet they should be patiently borne with,
because from such as these is gained a more abundant reward.
Therefore the Abbess shall take the greatest care
that they suffer no neglect.


For these sick let there be assigned a special room
and an attendant who is God-fearing, diligent and solicitous.
Let the use of baths be afforded the sick
as often as may be expedient;
but to the healthy, and especially to the young,
let them be granted more rarely.
Moreover,
let the use of meat be granted to the sick who are very weak,
for the restoration of their strength;
but when they are convalescent,
let all abstain from meat as usual.


The Abbess shall take the greatest care
that the sick be not neglected by the cellarers or the attendants;
for she also is responsible for what is done wrongly by her disciples.

Some thoughts:

While the Houses of Congress debate what to do about a universal health care system here in the US, I would love them to be reading and reflecting on this passage. Every once in a while someone here in CA tries to get a proposition on the ballot to deny any health care treatment at for illegal immigrants. In 1994 we actually did have such a prop and it was so solidly defeated that I am surprised anyone still tries. I am sure this is the case in all the states that border Mexico and any other state that has a high influx of undocumented immigrants. I've never understood the motivation for such legislation. Is money really worth more than a human life? Is money really more important than seeing "Christ in person?" And if such altruistic thoughts do not prevail, how about some plain old self-serving interests? What is the effect of untreated disease in the human population? What about contagion? What about epidemics? Pandemics? The deaths of those who would withhold the money?

Such is how I apply this teaching of the RB to life today. I would be very interested in your thoughts.

Rule of St Benedict Reading for July 12, 2009

March 13, July 13, November 12

Chapter 35: On the Weekly Servers in the Kitchen

Let the brethren serve one another,
and let no one be excused from the kitchen service
except by reason of sickness
or occupation in some important work.
For this service brings increase of reward and of charity.
But let helpers be provided for the weak ones,
that they may not be distressed by this work;
and indeed let everyone have help,
as required by the size of the community
or the circumstances of the locality.
If the community is a large one,
the cellarer shall be excused from the kitchen service;
and so also those whose occupations are of greater utility,
as we said above.
Let the rest serve one another in charity.


The one who is ending his week of service
shall do the cleaning on Saturday.
He shall wash the towels
with which the brethren wipe their hands and feet;
and this server who is ending his week,
aided by the one who is about to begin,
shall wash the feet of all the brethren.
He shall return the utensils of his office to the cellarer
clean and in good condition,
and the cellarer in turn shall consign them to the incoming server,
in order that he may know
what he gives out and what he receives back.

Some Thoughts

When I think of the many arguments in my family about taking out the garbage, washing the windows and all the household chores that keep a home fit to live in, I sometimes think that if we had known of this section of the RB, maybe things would have been different.

I have no idea if this custom still obtains in Benedictine communities. Amma would be the one who knows. Or if we have any Oblates on the list. But I hope this custom still obtains because it emphasizes the egalitarian nature of the Benedictine community and the lack of rank. Oh, sure someone is excused due to important work and Benedict gives us no clue what sort of work would be deemed important. My guess, though, is that it would have to do with caring for someone else. Kardong in his Commentary says that it most likely means the monastic superior and the cellarer.

It is the idea of serving each other in charity, that people should have they help they need without begrudging, because it is is offered in love. Now, wouldn't that transform neighborhood? The service is of course emphasized with foot washing, recalling the night of the Last Supper when our Lord washed the feet of those gathered.

What are your reactions to this passage?

Saying of the Desert Christians: Gentleness 8

from:http://www.cin.org/dsrtft11.html

While abba Macarius was praying in his cave in the desert, a hyena suddenly appeared and began to lick his feet and taking him gently by the hem of his tunic, she drew him towards her own cave. He followed her, saying, "I wonder what this animal wants me to do?" When she had led him to her cave, she went in and brought her cubs which had been born blind. He prayed over them and returned them to the hyena with their sight healed. She in turn, by way of thank offering, brought the man the huge skin of a ram and laid it at his feet. He smiled at her as if at a kind person and taking the skin spread it under him.

Some thoughts

I would call this hagiography except for the witness of a neighbor of a friend. The neighbor attempted to befriend a very beautiful, pregnant but feral young cat. She would accept food but would bolt if he came nearer to her than she liked. He never could get near to her. She gave birth in a woodsy area near the house. When her kittens were old enough to be weaned, she brought them to the man and one by one laid them at his feet and darted back into the woods.

What strikes me is that in both anecdotes, the mother is concerned enough for her young that she seeks the aid of a human being. The hyena and the cat are wild animals. But there is something about the spirits of these two men that encourage the mothers to trust them.

Hyenas are unlovely animals with unlovely habits. Cats are delicate and clean and teach their young to be cleans. I am struck by the attitude Macarius demonstrates. One of his fellow creatures sought him out, created by God just as Macarius had been. Macarius treats the hyena as an equal, as fully deserving as any human. Macarius makes no distinction between worthiness or not, all he sees is the needs and to that he responds.

Rule of St Benedict Reading for June 12, 2009

March 12, July 12, November 11

Chapter 34: Whether All Should Receive in Equal Measure What Is Necessary

Let us follow the Scripture,
"Distribution was made to each
according as anyone had need" (Acts 4:35).
By this we do not mean that there should be respecting of persons
(which God forbid),
but consideration for infirmities.
She who needs less should thank God and not be discontented;
but she who needs more
should be humbled by the thought of her infirmity
rather than feeling important
on account of the kindness shown her.
Thus all the members will be at peace.

Above all, let not the evil of murmuring appear
for any reason whatsoever
in the least word or sign.
If anyone is caught at it,
let her be placed under very severe discipline.

Some Thoughts:

There is a principle here I like very much. Not only are the monastics to be given what they need to survive, they are also being given what they need to thrive.

Seems to me we could also apply this to our own personal giving and receiving. An example: at the annual meeting of my parish, every year, I see people stand up to justify why they had to reduce their pledge. And yet every time I see them outside of the church, they always have the largest size Starbucks and are talking about what they watched last night on a premium cable TV station. For those who don't live in the USA, it is extremely difficult to receive any TV stations unless one has cable TV. There are a few levels of service, premium being the highest and most expensive level.

I've always been puzzled by their claims that they need the money for their families, and yet surely the largest size Starbucks and the premium cable TV stations are luxuries, wants not needs. It puzzles me when these same people are outraged at budget cuts in the church budget or when we had to lay off our Director of Christian Education. A few years ago I was fascinated by the results of a study done of Episcopalians in the USA. It found out that if the 2 million or so Episcopalians were to tithe that 10% TEC alone would have the financial ability to end world poverty. Isn't that a kick in the head? Doesn't that put some perspective? And i bet if every Christian in the world were to tithe that 10%, we would have enough funds to put a 100% halt on the trafficking of human flesh, provide farmers with incentives to grow food instead of drugs, end crime and maybe even achieve world peace. Ok, yes, I am dreamer and an idealist.

The headlines in the news here in San Diego is that all the banks in California refuse to accept the States IOUs they are issuing instead of paychecks, payment for bills, etc. Can you imagine the repercussions?

Being a very poor person, my health care is a combination of Medi-Cal ( California's version of the federal program, Medicaid) and Medicare (the health care offered by Social Security). I received a notice this past week that due to the state's budget problems, Medi-Cal will no longer pay for a bunch of things, among them new glasses and podiatry services. So this one is more than a bit personal to me. I am diabetic and my vision changes year to year and I need new lenses. Which require new frames, usually. I try to recycle my old frames but the optician always tells me they are too old to be re-used. If I can't get new glasses, I soon will be unable to see well enough to drive which means i will be unable to care for my mother.

And as for foot care... well, haven't we all heard horror stories about diabetic neuropathy and amputation. Not that my feet are in danger now, but the side effects of diabetes get worse as one ages.

The State has already raised the state sales tax, a move which like the cutbacks to Medi-Cal, hurt the poor of CA the most. The Governor will not raise income taxes. So it is the poor who is supplying the finds for the new budget, not the wealthy.

I am sorry for bringing politics and money into this discussion, but politics and money are every bit as spiritual as prayer. The question is this: which spirit prevails as we make our political and financial decisions? Which spirit prevails when we spend $50 a week at Starbucks? Or $250 a month on TV channels? Which spirit prevails when the poor are made to become poorer? Which spirit prevails when a man, desperate to feed his starving family, steals food and is shot by the police?

Personally, I have been blessed by 2 members of this list who have given me used computers in times of need so I could continue to be in touch with cyberspace. They are also on other of my lists and I can only pray that my ministry through these lists, such as they are, are some sort of recompense for their generosity. I believe deeply in reciprocity.

Benedict says that those who need less should be contented with less and those who need more should be humbled by the generosity of others. Those who need less directly contribute to the ability of those who need more not only to survive but to thrive.

What ways can you think of that members of this list who need less could contribute to thriving of those who need more?

Saying of the Desert Christians: Gentleness 7

from: http://www.cin.org/dsrtft11.html

We came near to a tree, led by our kindly host, and there we stumbled upon a lion. At the sight of him my guide and I quaked, but the saintly old man went unfaltering on and we followed him. The wild beast - you would say it was at the command of God - modestly withdrew a little way and sat down, while the old man plucked the fruit from the lower branches. He held out his hand, full of dates; and up the creature ran and took them as frankly as any tame animal about the house; and when it had finished eating, it went away. We stood watching and trembling; reflecting as well we might what valour of faith was in him and what poverty of spirit in us.

Some thoughts:

I am pretty confident that we have here another bit of hagiography. A lion eating dates? But I would so like to be the sort of person from whose hand a lion would eat. I love cats, all cats, and I have often fantasized that I could walk up to one of the big cats and they would just feel the love I have for them and they would be friendly and affectionate.

How much more wonderful, though, if we Christians had that effect upon our fellow human beings.

Rule of St Benedict Reading for July 11, 2009

March 11, July 11, November 10

Chapter 33: Whether Monks Ought to Have Anything of Their Own

This vice especially
is to be cut out of the monastery by the roots.
Let no one presume to give or receive anything
without the Abbot's leave,
or to have anything as his own --
anything whatever,
whether book or tablets or pen or whatever it may be --
since they are not permitted to have even their bodies or wills
at their own disposal;
but for all their necessities
let them look to the Father of the monastery.
And let it be unlawful to have anything
which the Abbot has not given or allowed.
Let all things be common to all,
as it is written (Acts 4:32),
and let no one say or assume that anything is his own.

But if anyone is caught indulging in this most wicked vice,
let him be admonished once and a second time.
If he fails to amend,
let him undergo punishment


Some Thoughts:

1st off, my apologies for sending nothing yesterday. My server was having Peculiarities which seem to have corrected themselves.

As I read this, I just know someone will object to this passage as too harsh. And so it is to 21st century eyes where we have all over-indulged in some way or the other and since all the advertising, friends and family find ways to justify it, it is very hard to give it a 2nd thought.

So I hope we will all strive to get past our "No way, Jose" reaction, we will regard this passage as if it were asking us a lot of questions about our own life and all the stuff we accumulate.

A little historical perspective: Previous to Benedict at one time the monastic idea for a monk's possessions was this. "A monk's garment should be such that it could lie outside the cell for 3 days and still no one would want it." The cell referred to is an outdoor hut in some wild place of the Roman Empire. So my reaction to this quote is EEEE YYYYEEEEWWWW

In contrast, the RB is moderate. The community provides the monastic with everything that is needed. Food, shelter, clothing is provided. They are to want for nothing that they need in their exercise of their talents and gifts. Of course, it is a challenge for us in the 21st century to distinguish between a want and a need. We are flooded with advertising messages that say "I want it. I need it" as if the very act of wanting creates a need.

The key to this passage is, I believe, this; "since they are not permitted to have even their bodies or wills ." When a Benedictine makes the promises of stability, obedience and conversion of life, that person has declared themselves to belong to God. The question becomes if we belong to God, what else do we need?

Saying of the Desert Christians: Gentleness 6

from: http://www.cin.org/dsrtft11.html

Abba Xanthios said, "A dog is better than I am, for he has love and he does not judge."

Some thoughts:

This is a wonderful one, is it not? At first I wondered why it was in the section on Gentleness instead of that of Judging Others but then I realized, not judging others is also treating them with gentleness.

I am Episcopalian and the General Convention of my church is meeting even as I type to decide some stuff that will affect how we express what it is to be Episcopalians. I pray that all attendees practice this sort of gentleness.

Rule of St Benedict Reading for July 9, 2009

March 9, July 9, November 8

Chapter 31: What Kind of Man the Cellarer of the Monastery Should Be

Above all things let him have humility;
and if he has nothing else to give
let him give a good word in answer
for it is written,
"A good word is above the best gift" (Eccles. 18:17).


Let him have under his care
all that the Abbot has assigned to him,
but not presume to deal with what he has forbidden him.


Let him give the brethren their appointed allowance of food
without any arrogance or delay,
that they may not be scandalized,
mindful of the Word of God as to what he deserves
"who shall scandalize one of the little ones" (Matt 18:6).


If the community is a large one,
let helpers be given him,
that by their assistance
he may fulfill with a quiet mind the office committed to him.
The proper times should be observed
in giving the things that have to be given
and asking for the things that have to be asked for,
that no one may be troubled or vexed in the house of God.

Some thoughts:

Here's that emphasis upon humility again. I deeply appreciate the humanity of this passage. The caring, the concern to make sure that others have what they need when they need it. And not only bare subsistence but enough to thrive.

Seems to me that is another aspect of Holy Hospitality, giving people not only what they need when they need it but giving them more so that they can actually thrive, grow into that abundance so that they are in their turn able to give unstintingly in spendthrift manner to those that need.

Saying of the Desert Christians: Gentleness 5

from: http://www.cin.org/dsrtft11.html

Once when a hippopotamus was ravaging the neighbouring countryside the fathers called on abba Bes to help them. He stood at the place and waited and when he saw the beast, which was of enormous size, he commanded it not to ravage the countryside any more, saying, "In the name of Jesus Christ, I order you not to ravage this countryside anymore." The hippopotamus vanished completely from that district as if driven away by an angel.

Some thoughts:

We have here an example of hagiography. One can google the word and find all sorts of definitions, explanations and history. It is often a source of important biographical info but mostly the word is used to describe what we in the 21st century would call impossible events. Things too miraculous to be miracles but seem more like down right nonsense.

On the face of it, today's Saying sounds more like nonsense than anything else. Who in their right mind would consider doing such a thing? Yes, yes, I know that many of the Sayings sound as if more than one Desert Christian was not in their right minds and I have long had my doubts about St Simon the Stylite.

But here is how I view hagiography. It's a metaphor. It's a metaphor that says if such extraordinary things could be done by extraordinary person, this person is such a person.

So imagine, what degree of gentleness was it that so emanated from Abba Bes that a ravaging hippopotamus sensed it and was so impressed that it fled the scene never to return again.

More importantly, how can we learn this degree of gentleness?

Rule of St Benedict Reading for July 8, 2009

March 8, July 8, November 7

Chapter 31: What Kind of Man the Cellarer of the Monastery Should Be

As cellarer of the monastery
let there be chosen from the community
one who is wise, of mature character, sober,
not a great eater, not haughty, not excitable,
not offensive, not slow, not wasteful,
but a God-fearing man
who may be like a father to the whole community.


Let him have charge of everything.
He shall do nothing without the Abbot's orders,
but keep to his instructions.
Let him not vex the brethren.
If any brother
happens to make some unreasonable demand of him,
instead of vexing the brother with a contemptuous refusal
he should humbly give the reason
for denying the improper request.

Let him keep quard over his own soul,
mindful always of the Apostle's saying
that "he who has ministered well
will acquire for himself a good standing" (1 Tim. 3:13).


Let him take the greatest care
of the sick, of children, of guests and of the poor,
knowing without doubt
that he will have to render an account for all these
on the Day of Judgment.


Let him regard all the utensils of the monastery
and its whole property
as if they were the sacred vessels of the altar.
Let him not think that he may neglect anything.
He should be neither a miser
nor a prodigal and squanderer of the monastery's substance,
but should do all things with measure
and in accordance with the Abbot's instructions.


Some thoughts

It is with great relief that I see we have finished with the disciplinary bits and turn to a chapter which is perhaps not so controversial.

On Google books I found a very nice explanation of what a cellarer is and does: http://tinyurl.com/lsn9tj

On Wikipedia it says: The cellarer, or bursar, who acted as chief purveyor of all foodstuffs to the monastery and as general steward. In recent times the name procurator is often found used for this official. He had as assistants:
the subcellarer;
the "granatorius". Chapter xxxi ofSt. Benedict's Rule tells "What kind of man the Cellarer ought to be"; in practice this position is the most responsible one after that of abbot or superior
The thing I find interesting about Benedict's list of requirements is that they are exactly the same as anything we've read about the description of a good monk. In addition, the cellarer would need to have what we today would call good business skills, management potential coupled with some pastoral skills.

For me the important point is the pastoral skills, which I define as the ability to give people what they need in a way they can receive. I can give you an example, one of hundreds I have witnessed in parishes over the years.

I know of a woman who was going through considerable sturm und drang with family health crises, one on top on top on top of one right after the other with no respite. stress was poisoning her, it was so constant without let up. She was seldom able to make it to church on Sunday or to the mid-week Eucharist during this time. Desperately needing some pastoral care, this woman would email her rector when she had the chance, usually after getting home from the ER at 3AM or so. The rector never responded in any way.

When she wrote an email saying, please, have you nothing of comfort to say to me, she finally received and email back. The rector in question said he hated to use email (despite his reputation as a verbosian on a certain email list) and that he hated to use the telephone, probably because his heritage is Norwegian and how much he upsets his wife as he doesn't want to chat with her about day to day trivialities on the phone. But if this parishioner wanted to come to the office, he would be happy to sit and chat with her about all that was going on. Needless to say, this woman did not do that for the very simple reason that she was unable to spare the time from care-giving to suit the rector's convenience.

This is what I mean about the ability to give people what they need in a way they can receive. This woman needed pastoral care. She wasn't making an impossible demand, just asking for what she thought she had every right to from her priest. I am very happy to report that she was able to receive Christian consolation, support and pastoral care from an email pen pal who lives thousands of miles from her. It made all the difference on a number of occasions, helping this woman gain the strength to continue to face the health care crises. Especially since the rector involved has yet to voluntarily offer any consolation via email, telephone or in person when the woman is able to make it to church.

Now, I know we all may want to focus on this anecdote and lambaste the priest. That will not do any of us any good. But will do us good is self-examination. Are we willing, if we haven't already, to learn the ability to give people what they need in a way they can receive? Of course, people need to be able to receive but their ability to do or not is really none of our business. Our business is to learn to offer people what they need in a way that they can receive it, even if it inconveniences us.

I would really love to know what you think.

Saying of the Desert Christians: Gentleness 3

from: http://www.cin.org/dsrtft11.html

A hunter in the desert saw abba Antony enjoying himself with the brothers,
and he was shocked. Wanting to show him that it was necessary sometimes to
meet the needs of the brothers, the old man said to him, "Put an arrow in
your bow and shoot it." So he did. And the old man said, "Shoot another,"
and he did so. Then the old man ssaid, "Shoot yet again," and the hunter
replied, "If I bend my bow so much, I will break it." Then the old man said
to him, "It is the same with the work of God. If we stretch the brothers
beyond measure, they will soon break. Sometimes it is necessary to come down
to meet their needs."

Some thoughts:

To be honest, this particular saying always strikes me as a bit
patronizing. But everything I've read about St. Anthony says he was
anything but patronizing. So this challenges me to look past my own issues
which I may be reading into the text and try to find something else in it.

Today as I read this, I am reminded of the Jewish Law and how impossible it
was to keep all of the Law perfectly all the time. Knowing this, God came
down to meet our needs in the Incarnation showing us what it truly means to
be human and to live in relationship with God.

Saying of the Desert Christians: Gentleness 4

from: http://www.cin.org/dsrtft11.html

Some monks came to see Abba Poemen and said to him, "When we see brothers dozing in the church, should we rouse them so that they can be watchful?" He said, "For my part, when I see a brother dozing, I put his head on my knees and let him rest."


Some thoughts:

I can just imagine the scene. Monks have gathered in their church. Churches did not have pews or seats at that time, the worshippers stood for the whole service. I can see a monk, perhaps a young one still getting used to this life or maybe a more experienced monk who has overdone the all night vigils. Whichever, the monk's legs will no longer support him and he falls asleep on the floor of the church.

I can see other monks noticing, distracted from their prayers. Some might be thinking "poor guy." Others might be thinking "this is no place for a nap." I am sure you can think of other things that might have been thought or said. And obviously some wonder if it is there duty to wake the man up.

I can also see another monk sinking to the floor also. So now the first monk is not the only one on the floor, but has company there. The second monk tenderly lifts the first monk's head and places it in his lap, to cushion it from the hard ground. The second monk continues his own prayers.

What tenderness to join the monk that some might think disgraced. What compassion to make a comfy pillow. What a demonstration that any of us might be subject to the frailty of the flesh and that we are all but human.

That's what I see. If you see something in addition, I'd love you to mention it.

Rule of St Benedict Reading for July 7, 2009

March 7, July 7, November 6

Chapter 30: How Boys Are to Be Corrected

Every age and degree of understanding
should have its proper measure of discipline.
With regard to boys and adolescents, therefore,
or those who cannot understand the seriousness
of the penalty of excommunication,
whenever such as these are delinquent
let them be subjected to severe fasts
or brought to terms by harsh beatings,
that they may be cured.

Some thoughts:

Here we are again with my least favorite part of the entire RB. Sometimes when I come to it, I have to skip it, if i am feeling much too vulnerable and other times I grit my teeth and read it. Today is one of the latter.

First of all, allowing for extremists out there somewhere, I am 100% confident corporal punishment is not a part of monastic life. Secondly, Benedict was as much a product of his times as we are of ours and as much as we would like to think he was above his times, who among us ever is? Thirdly, there was no concept of abuse such as we have today. Please let me stress the "today". I am sure the early Middle Ages had some concept of abuse, but it was not as fine-tuned as ours. After all, women and children were still chattel back then.

Compared to life in the West, life in Benedict's day was harsher than ours. But there are many places in the world today where conditions are very similar to his. Where women and children are subject to despicable treatment. Perhaps we can redirect our horror at Benedict's words to helping those in our world who experience this sort of trauma every day.

Rule of St Benedict Reading for July 6, 2009

March 6, July 6, November 5

Chapter 29: Whether Brethren Who Leave the Monastery Should Be Received Again

If a brother
who through his own fault leaves the monastery
should wish to return,
let him first promise full reparation for his having gone away;
and then let him be received in the lowest place,
as a test of his humility.
And if he should leave again,
let him be taken back again,
and so a third time;
but he should understand that after this
all way of return is denied him.

Some thoughts:

No one can say that Benedict wasn't willing to give a person a chance. Would the gentle readers of this list agree with me that even if there are bits we don't like in these chapters of dealing with the recalcitrant monastic, that over all the impression we are left with is one of caring, compassion and maybe even tenderness?

It's easy to always point as I do, that the good Saint was concerned with what was best for the community. But it is also apparent that he also cared about the individual. I read this particular passage to mean that he cared for the individual for that person's own self, and not just whether that person fit into monastic life.

What do you think, please?

Saying of the Desert Christians: Gentleness 2

from:http://www.cin.org/dsrtft11.html

We came from Palestine to Egypt and went to see one of the fathers. He offered us hospitality and we said, "Why do you not keep the fast when visitors come to see you? In Palestine they keep it." He replied, "Fasting is always with me but I cannot always have you here. It is useful and necessary to fast but we choose whether we will fast or not. What God commands is perfect love. I receive Christ in you and so I must do everything possible to serve you with love. When I have sent you on your way, then I can continue my rule of fasting. The sons of the bridegroom cannot fast while the bridegroom is with them; when he is taken away from them, then they will fast."

Some thoughts:

One thing we see right off is that when it came to fasting and to guests, practices differed in different regions. But that's not the important point in this Saying, IMO. What resonates with me is that this Abba received Christ in his guests and as a result wants to do everything possible to serve them with love.

In my experience, this is easier said than done, but how I long for the whole world to think this way. I also know that it will only start person by person, one by one. Shall we try to learn this together?

Rule of St Benedict Reading for July 5, 2009

March 5, July 5, November 4

Chapter 28: On Those Who Will Not Amend after Repeated Corrections

If a sister who has been frequently corrected for some fault,
and even excommunicated,
does not amend,
let a harsher correction be applied,
that is, let the punishment of the rod be administered.


But if she still does not reform
or perhaps (which God forbid)
even rises up in pride and wants to defend her conduct,
then let the Abbess do what a wise physician would do.
Having used applications,
the ointments of exhortation,
the medicines of the Holy Scriptures,
finally the cautery of excommunication
and of the strokes of the rod,
if she sees that her efforts are of no avail,
let her apply a still greater remedy,
her own prayers and those of all the others,
that the Lord, who can do all things
may restore health to the sister who is sick.


But if she is not healed even in this way,
then let the Abbess use the knife of amputation,
according to the Apostle's words,
"Expel the evil one from your midst" (1 Cor. 5:13),
and again,
"If the faithless one departs, let her depart" (1 Cor. 7:15)
lest one diseased sheep contaminate the whole flock.

Some thoughts:

Ok, Ok, Ok, I know what you're thinking. Corporal punishment, no way. I agree with you. However, need I say that in Benedict's day it was very much a part of every day life? The world is not so different today. There are still Christians today who are strong believers in "Spare the rod, spoil the child." The Sunnis and the Shiites are massacring each other. But lest we get too caught up in condemning the violence, let me assure that to the best of my knowledge, Benedictine communities no longer practice this.

Perhaps though we could look at the corporal punishment as one of many things Benedict said to try in order to convince the erring monastic to repent. They seem to have gone from gentle to stronger to strongest, all the while the monastic superior caring for the person as lovingly as possible, providing support, companions and the whole community in prayer.

Perhaps we could also remember that at every step of the way, the monastic had choices: repentance or walking out the door. No one could force someone to remain.

Saying of the Desert Christians: Gentleness 1

from: http://www.cin.org/dsrtft11.html

Abba Nilus said, "Prayer is the seed of gentleness and the absence of anger."

Some thoughts

I read or heard many a definition, description, or teaching about the nature of prayer, how it works, how do do it etc. But nothing as succinct as this.

This reads to me like a cause and effect. If prays then gentleness will develop within a person and anger will depart. Isn't this good news? Isn't this full of hope?

Gentleness and lack of anger seem to me to be counter to the society in which I live. Gentle people are mocked or walked all over. I hear all the time that we have a right to our anger.

This short little Saying is in stark contrast, is it not? It reminds me once again that what God values is outta step with the values of my culture. But where would I rather fit in? With my society? Or with God?

Rule of St Benedict Reading for July 4, 2009

Chapter 27: How Solicitous the Abbot Should Be for the Excommunicated

Let the Abbot be most solicitous
in his concern for delinquent brethren,
for "it is not the healthy but the sick who need a physician" (Matt 9:12)
And therefore he ought to use every means
that a wise physician would use.
Let him send senpectae,
that is, brethren of mature years and wisdom,
who may as it were secretly console the wavering brother
and induce him to make humble satisfaction;
comforting him
that he may not "be overwhelmed by excessive grief" (2 Cor. 2:7),
but that, as the Apostle says,
charity may be strengthened in him (2 Cor. 2:8).
And let everyone pray for him.

For the Abbot must have the utmost solicitude
and exercise all prudence and diligence
lest he lose any of the sheep entrusted to him.
Let him know
that what he has undertaken is the care of weak souls
and not a tyranny over strong ones;
and let him fear the Prophet's warning
through which God says,
"What you saw to be fat you took to yourselves,
and what was feeble you cast away" (Ezec. 34:3,4).
Let him rather imitate the loving example of the Good Shepherd
who left the ninety-nine sheep in the mountains
and went to look for the one sheep that had gone astray,
on whose weakness He had such compassion
that He deigned to place it on His own sacred shoulders
and thus carry it back to the flock (Luke 15:4-5).

Some thoughts:

One of the reasons, I personally would prefer people to look for what they see to be right with the RB rather than what they perceive to be wrong with it, is because the RB is self-balancing, as we see today. Could there be more tenderness? We see that even in the most extreme cases, the monastic is not left to their own devices, but is sought out not only by the monastic superior but also by others the monastic superior thinks best suit to console and encourage.

Writing an Icon for the First Time: The Mother of God of Compassion

June 28, 2009

Writing an Icon for the First Time: The Mother of God of Compassion

During the week June 22-26, 2009, Teresa Harrison (http://www.teresaharrison.com/) offered the privilege of learning to write an icon under her tutelage at Christ Episcopal Church, Coronado, CA (www.christchurchcoronado.org) . Having been praying for years for God to make such a class possible, you can imagine with what joy I received the news. This class has been simultaneously one of the most exhausting and most blessed experiences of my life. I loved it so much that I cannot wait to take another class, even as I struggle to recover.

Writing an icon is not about the paint or the artist, except as God uses both to bring the icon into being. The iconographer is merely a vehicle for God’s grace. God became incarnate and provided us with a living image of Himself, an image humans could see, touch, smell, hear and speak to. Is it possible to be any closer to God than we are when allowing Him to flow through us to bring His Holy Word into being? Perhaps it is a little bit like being a God-bearer one’s self, making Him known to the world.

We call the process “writing” and not painting because an icon is the written Word of God. The brushed is used as it is in calligraphy and not as in painting. We use the brush as a pen to write.

Teresa presented the class as five day silent retreat, beginning with Eucharist at 8:30 AM, offered with us by her husband and rector of Christ Episcopal Church, Father Edward Harrison. Writing an icon requires silence as we pray to God for guidance, honoring the original intention of the original icon. It is part of icon lore that the first iconographer was St. Luke, author of the eponymous named Gospel and Acts. This is why St. Luke is often pictured with a paint brush. It is said that the very first icon, Mary and Holy Child, ever written was by Luke. It may even be that the icon we worked on, Mother of God of Tenderness, is a copy of that very first icon.

Every icon is a copy. The writer does no individual work but sees herself as an instrument in the service of a long tradition. The act of writing an icon is meditation/prayer. The copy corresponds in full to the original and is not less "worthy". It represents the presence of the depicted person(s). So an icon of Christ makes Christ present in the room where the icon is, not only in remembrance, but in actuality.

Each day we spent some time checking in with each other preceded a beautiful opening prayer offered by one of the attendees. For the most part we worked in silence, usually with Gregorian chant or contemplative music in the background to keep us grounded in silence. Occasionally we would get up to whisper a question to Teresa and receive her whispered response. We started our work with the Sign of the Cross and the Prayer Before Working on an Icon:

“O divine Lord of all that exists, Thou hast illumined the Apostle and Evangelist Luke with Thy Holy Spirit, thereby enabling him to present thy most Holy Mother, the One who held Thee in her arms and said: “The Grace of Him Who has been born of me is spread throughout the world.” Enlighten and direct my soul, my heart and spirit. Guide the hands of thine unworthy servant so that I may worthily and perfectly portray Thine ikon, that of thy Mother, and all the Saints, for the glory, joy and adornment of Thy Holy Church. Forgive my sins and the sins of those who will venerate these ikons and who kneeling devoutly before them, give homage to those they represent. Protect them from all evil and instruct them with good counsel. This I ask through the intercession of thy most Holy Mother, the Apostle Luke, and all the Saints. Amen”

It is humbling to stop and remember that, just as in the hymn “For All the Saints”, the members of the class were not only asking for the intercessions of those who have been canonized but also by all who are part of the Body of Christ, living or in Heaven. This means that we also prayed for each other through this prayer.

It had been my intention to make a photographic record of the process of my icon. On the very first day though, I was so glad finally to be at an icon workshop, I forgot to photograph the blank board covered in gesso, (quite a process in and of itself, http://www.teresaharrison.com/IconBoards.pdf), the black and white outline on my board or the end of the first day’s work when most of the outline had been colored in. The first day could be compared to coloring in a coloring book as it was important to stay within the lines, building layers of paint gradually to build up an opaque base upon which to write the details that make the icon come alive.
This first layer is intentionally flat, preferably with no visible individual brush strokes. Such flatness is intentional and desirable. Teresa told us that the subject of the icon is not an endpoint, but a window opening the way to become closer to the subject of the icon and ultimately to God.

When I studied painting in college, we were taught to be painterly, to leave something of ourselves in the brushstrokes. It is just the opposite in writing an icon. There should be nothing of the hand that wrote it in the finished piece. I had to fight against what I thought I knew about painting and what I might wish to communicate about myself and be subject to God in the work.

Perhaps it is best to say now rather than later that the image being written is not itself the object of worship. It serves as a vehicle to transport to God the awareness of the one using the icon. The subject draws the worshiper into the spiritual reality which the image merely represents. Teresa called icons “visual incense.”

Gradually that first day, I sank into the work, unaware of time or those around me except when I had to find a tube of paint, clean my palette and wash my brushes. This was not very often since I could not bear to leave my work. Teresa told us that iconographers have always painted the dark parts first, adding the lighter shades. “The light pierces the darkness,” it says in John’s Gospel. Most of the time, I prayed the Jesus Prayer and I found the rhythm of breathing conducive to the work. It also helped to block out sounds.

At the end of the first day, I gazed at my wood covered with large areas of solid color. We had painted all the skin with “sankir”, a Russian word for the initial underpaint tone, which cover the faces and other parts of the body; leaving the sankir exposed to create the shadow areas. Gotta tell you my first reaction to sankir was to paraphrase Pogo, “This looks like spuk.” The closest description I can some to sankir is a very dark olive green, one of my least favorite colors and here I was swiping it all over the faces of Our Lady and Jesus. I really felt they deserved better. Teresa’s response to my doubts? “Have faith,” she reassured me. “Just have faith.”

As I gazed at my blobs of color, I doubted the optimism, “Of course, I can do this,” with which I started the class. How could I take these colors, most of which I did not like because they are the warm earth tones and I really really really like the cool, jewel tones. But the warm earth tones are the traditional colors used and no wonder as the original pigment was rock ground up into egg yolk. As I experienced my doubts I also remembered something Teresa stressed: it is not I who wields the brush but God. I was as much a tool as were the paints, brushes, surface and palette before me.

Once I had my first look at what had happened so far, I felt Mary and Her Son with me. How does one describe this? They were there, as simple as that. No, I couldn’t see them, but some part of me apprehended their presence in that place within which is too deep for words but is just pulsatingly aware.

The second day we worked on the robes and Mary’s veil. Having started with the dark colors, we gradually used lighter and lighter shades to add dimension to the clothing, to paint the draping folds, to make it look like actual garments. The light pierced the dark and behold we had stuff that was recognizable as clothing.
The third day was the day to do the faces and hands. That’s intimidating: to turn blobs of spuk into recognizably human faces. Teresa demonstrated how a very few strokes of paint turned blobs of hideous color into beautiful faces. We had started with the dark olive nastiness and the light really did pierce that darkness to become something lovely. I can’t claim to have done the face myself. I did the best I could and one by one all of us turned to Teresa to fix the faces on the boards.
As I worked on Mary’s face, I thought of something I often think about: that she was the one woman in all the world, in all of history to say “yes” to God, to take the risk. I have often wondered to how many other virgins God had offered to be the earthly mother of the Incarnate Lord and why it is that Mary, of all of them, was the one to offer herself back.

Something disturbed me about the smallness of their lips but then I realized they were compressed into a pucker. The image catches them just before they exchange sweet kisses. I felt like an intruder.

The fourth day was gold leaf. Oh my. Gold leaf. Prized by Christian artists for millennia to convey holiness, other worldliness, sacredness and I was going to get to mess around with it. This is exactly what I did. I had always imagined that applying gold leaf was easy. Prepare the surface, lay the sheet of gold over it, lift the sheet and behold the gold only where it was wanted. No such thing. The whole sheet would come off and I would have to take the brush reserved solely for the use of gold, give it some static electricity by rubbing it in my hair and sweep it over the surface to retrieve all of the extra gold so that it could be placed in the wood box where all the gold scraps are reserved so that they can be used in other places, such as Jesus’ clothes. Gold leaf is too expensive to waste a smidge.
The last day was for finishing up the background, the details around the halos. Because I had not wanted to get stuck in rush hour traffic and be late, I was usually thirty minutes early. As a result, my work was finished first and I could sit with the icon and pray with it. Exhausted yet exhilarated, I allowed the icon to seep within me until it seemed for an all too brief moment that Jesus and Our Lady were actually present in the room with me.

Teresa plans to offer other workshops and I cannot wait.

Saying of the Desert Christians: Hospitality 4

from: http://www.cin.org/dsrtft10.html

It was said of an old man that he dwelt in Syria on the way to the desert. This was his work: whenever a monk came from the desert, he gave him refreshment with all his heart. Now one day a hermit came and he offered him refreshment. The other did not want to accept it, saying he was fasting. Filled with sorrow, the old man said to him, "Do not despise your servant, I beg you, do not despise me, but let us pray together. Look at the tree which is here; we will follow the way of whichever of us causes it to bend when he kneels on the ground and prays." So the hermit knelt down to pray and nothing happened. Then the hospitable one knelt down and at once the tree bent towards him. Taught by this, they gave thanks to God.

Some thoughts:

As much as it was a duty to offer hospitality it was an equally sacred obligation to accept it when offered. Did the tree really bend? Possibly a wind caused it to bow. But what providential timing, if so. The post-modern mind has trouble conceiving that God would act contrary to natural law. OTOH, who created natural law if not God? Natural law is as much His servant as are we. I digress. Please forgive me.

What a witness, though, is this bending tree to the mutuality of holy hospitality. IMO we of Christendom need to reclaim, renew rededicate ourselves to hospitality. "They are known by their love." Hospitality is how we demonstrate love of God and neighbor.

March 2, July 2, November 1

Chapter 25: On Weightier Faults

Let the brother who is guilty of a weightier fault
be excluded both from the table and from the oratory.
Let none of the brethren join him
either for company or for conversation.
Let him be alone at the work assigned him,
abiding in penitential sorrow
and pondering that terrible sentence of the Apostle
where he says that a man of that kind is handed over
for the destruction of the flesh,
that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord (1 Cor. 5:5).
Let him take his meals alone
in the measure and at the hour
which the Abbot shall consider suitable for him.
He shall not be blessed by those who pass by,
nor shall the food that is given him be blessed


Some thoughts

Kardong writes in his definitive Commentary on the Rule of St. Benedict that it must be kept in mind that Benedict is not talking about excommunication for grave sins, but for monastic faults. Please note that Benedict does not use "excommunication." Monastic faults would be unauthorized journeys; improper intimacies; open conflict.

It is so easy to look at such a passage and find all sorts of reasons to object to it. Benedict wrote during the Early Middle Ages and we read in post-modern days. In order to fully appreciate the RB, we must as much as possible set aside our post-moderinism. The way I suggest we do that is by looking for what is right in it. Looking for what one can agree with.

What I see here are 2 things. This passage talks about the well-being of the monastic community. The assumption Benedict makes is that if a person is truly called to this life, obedience to the Rule will take care of any individual needs. The second thing is related. Benedict gives the monastic the opportunity to repent. The monastic has to embrace personal responsibility. We read yesterday that the repentant one is welcomed into the full life of the community with open arms.

Saying of the Desert Christians: Hospitality 3

A brother came to see a certain hermit and, as he was leaving, he said, "Forgive me Abba for preventing you from keeping your rule." The hermit replied, "My rule is to welcome you with hospitality and to send you away in peace."


Some thoughts

This is another of my personal favorites. I love the idea that someone might switch from life as usual to entertain the guest. Yesterday people were making comparisons to the Eucharist. I think it goes deeper, though. It is not just that we see reflections of the Eucharist, it is that the Desert Christians were a living Eucharist, offering themselves every day to God and neighbor. At least, that's how it reads to me.

What do you think?

Rule of St Benedict Reading for July 1, 2009

March 1, July 1, October 31

Chapter 24: What the Measure of Excommunication Should Be

The measure of excommunication or of chastisement
should correspond to the degree of fault,
which degree is estimated by the judgment of the Abbess.

If a sister is found guilty of lighter faults,
let her be excluded from the common table.
Now the program for one deprived of the company of the table
shall be as follows:
In the oratory she shall intone neither Psalm nor antiphon
nor shall she recite a lesson
until she has made satisfaction;
in the refectory she shall take her food alone
after the community meal,
so that if they eat at the sixth hour, for instance,
that sister shall eat at the ninth,
while if they eat at the ninth hour
she shall eat in the evening,
until by a suitable satisfaction she obtains pardon

Some thoughts

I have to chuckle. Yesterday I asked people to look for what was right in the reading, rather than what they think of as wrong and no one had anything to say!! Well, I am a tenacious woman and I still want us to look for what we find right about today's passage. To get the ball rolling here's my contribution.

Benedict expects Benedictines to take personal responsibility for their failings. As we would say today, he wants us to "own" them. He wants us to understand that our actions have logical consequences and if we don't like the consequences we can either 'fess up or not engage in the behavior that has those consequences.

What do you find worthwhile in this passage?